Saturday, September 10, 2011

Square Peg.... Round World

While writing an email last night, I put a phrase of description to myself, about how I see myself.

That phrase being that I'm a Square Peg in a world of Round Holes.

Plainly, I just don't fit or belong. I'm different and outside the "norm".

I put lots of thought into this as I went to bed and laid awake for a length of time.

I don't fit the typical "view" of what it means to be a man. I'm not tough. I'm not strong. I'm not powerful. I'm not a jock. I'm not into camping, or hunting, or sports, or cars, or body building, or nascar, or tools, or outdoorsy stuff, or.... just about anything people consider "masculine". I rarely relate to other men at all. I stand around and listen to them talk about all the "manly" stuff and I just listen, because really, I have nothing to add. Oh it's not that I don't know a thing or two about the above topics, but frankly, I just don't care.

Who cares what jimbugga baggaman ran 830gazzillion yards to score the most amazing touchdown that was preceded by an equally amazing pass by super awesome QB Zippy Passaman!

Frankly most american sports just annoy me. It's more about money and glamor than the game and maybe that's how it's supposed to be, but frankly I have far better things to do than sit in front of the boob tube to watch some people play a game for money and get far more exercise in that time period that probably all the viewers combined get in a whole year!

That's pretty much how I feel about all those above items that are typically used to define a man. I look at em and I'm just not into them and really don't care about them at all!

I just don't fit in with the "normal" masculine crowd. Yet I'll assert to you that I'm a man. Frankly (and you can call me an arrogant SOB if you want) but in some ways I think I'm more a man than those who try to use all those things to define their man hood!

Why??? Simple, all those things aren't "manly". Sure, they're associated with "manhood", but the reality is, I know lots of women who enjoy those things to. Using said things to define you or decide if your a man or not really is stupid. What if all the women of the world suddenly decided to make those things womanly things? Where would that leave men who have used such things to define their status of manhood???

Yes, I'm isolated and on the outside. I don't fit with the rest of the group. Yes, it's horribly lonely at times. Frankly, it sucks, but it is something I can't change. I've had a few people suggest that I should "tag along" and involve myself with said things so that I can be with other men and be part of the group..... how utterly asinine is that? Pretend to be into something I'm not and pretend to be someone I'm not, so that I can "fit in"..... I don't think so. I'll be me and if that means I don't fit and as such you don't like me? Well screw you then, as you surely aren't someone I have any interest in hanging with anyway.



Did I mention it's lonely? Sometimes I'm proud that I'm not just like every other wannabe out there.... other times I'm tired of being out there on my own.

No comments:

Post a Comment