First though, I want to explain why the Penn State thing isn't a "Sex Scandal". A Sex Scandal is what happens say.... between Clinton and Monika. Between people who are consenting age who shouldn't be having sex...
The deal with Penn State is a Child Rape Scandal. But the truth is, people are far too uncomfortable with that, so we gotta somehow make it sound "OK". Hence it's a "Sex Scandal". Most people out there would rather hide from bring uncomfortable than save a child from being raped. Sad, but true. This is the America we live in.
I sent a letter to the editor of my local paper. They did actually print it!!! Although, the paper decided one sentence wasn't allowable in our free speech nation, that being: America is just not a safe environment in which to tell for most men.
Apparently saying such things isn't acceptable..... Although any male survivor of sexual abuse or assault will tell you, it's 100% the utter truth... but people don't want to see truth... it's uncomfortable.... (let's not even mention that fact that being a child and being raped by an adult, male or female, is utterly beyond uncomfortable).
Here's my letter (UN-edited):
As a man and a survivor of 9 years of sexual abuse as a child, the recent news about Penn State, has affected me deeply. Shock, Outrage, Anger, Heartbreak, Fear, Anxiety, are all words that describe what I've been feeling, but they only scratch the surface of the utter turmoil hidden inside me.
I can only hope that people will put the focus where it belongs, not on a college or a game or even those who acted or failed to act, but on the victims and their need for support. One of the biggest fears most male victims of sexual abuse face is not being believed, and sadly, in our society, more times than not, they are either not believed, or they're ostracized and made fun of.
It took HUGE amounts of courage for one young man to break his silence and the shame that bound him, in order to report what was happening. More courage than I ever has as a child, as I never told anyone. Sadly most men never tell, never get help. America is just not a safe environment in which to tell for most men. Our masculinity is questioned. We're viewed as weak. We're relegated to the unwanted and worthless of society.
Yet that perception is horribly wrong. The truth is, we're strong. We've endured more pain and horror and fear than most people will ever have to face, and we've survived. We put a smile on our face and go to work, and try to pretend that nothing ever happened.
I'm proud of the progress and healing I've made. I'm proud to be part of a ministry that helps to bring healing to victims of abuse of all types, all around the world. I've had good support from my wife and many others, and that is exactly what victims of abuse need, support. The more support they get, the faster they can move forward in their own recovery.
My heart breaks for the wounded and abused. Please, put the focus where it belongs. Stand for those who have been hurt and offer help in any way you can.
I also posted a letter to the victims on MaleSurvivor.org. Here's that letter:
My heart breaks for you. I know your pain and fear. I'm sorry you have to feel what I feel and know what I know. I'm sorry people want to blame you rather than those who are guilty.
Please hear me when I say that none of this is your fault. You are not to blame. Those that hurt you, those that failed to protect you, the fault is theirs and the blame belongs to them alone.
I know you are overwhelmed with fear and shame. I'm overwhelmed with it all right now too. It hurts to hear how people's selfish and ignorant reactions are piling more pain on you. I wish I could save you from it all. I wish I could make it all better. I really do.
Please know that healing is possible. It might seem an impossibility right now and it might seem to be the blackest of nights with no light to be seen, but I've been in that place, the dawn is coming, the light is going to arrive. You will heal, you are worth the effort to heal, but yes, I know it hurts.
Know that you are not alone. Many fellow survivors, myself included, stand with you. We believe you. We hear you. We'll be there for you in any way that we can.
Anyway. At the end of the day, this situation isn't about Penn State or Football. It's not even about Sandusky or Paterno or McQuery...
At the end of the day, this really should be all about the victims, yes, the victims of Sandusky, but also the 25+ percent of our American population who have been sexually abused as children.
Awareness needs to be raised. I fear most people would rather go back to football... it's far more comfortable.
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