I've been feeling really off lately...
Only words I can think to describe what I'm feeling right now are: broken, wounded, lonely, anxious, dis-jointed, out of sorts, hazy, distant, and quite a few other things I can't come up with words to described.
When I'm in this place it has all sorts of external effects. For one, I stay up later and bury my head in books, video games, movies, tv shows, you name it, anything to take my mind elsewhere so I'm not thinking about how I'm feeling.
To be completely real and honest, if I stay with it, and don't do anything to get away from it, I just want to sit and cry. It hurts.
Society would tell me to suck and deal with it or get over it, but one thing I've realized is that the very same people who would say such, are usually feeling equally as bad if not worse on the inside and they too are just covering it up, and trying to ignore or pretend it isn't there.
When did we get so far away from not only acknowledging what we feel, but from being willing to share it with others?
As Christians God tells us to weep with those who are weeping and rejoice with those who are rejoicing. So.... how can we weep with those who are weeping if we just hide it all inside? When and why did we all decide that we need to put on the facade of "I'm a Christian so all of life is a grand party"? We certainly shouldn't ever get that idea from the Bible! We see clearly case after case of God's people hurting, and I don't ever recall God condemning His people for mourning and weeping! Like I said, He was the one to tell us to weep and hurt with those who are hurting!
So that's what I'm feeling at this very moment. Sadly though, all those words and yet none of those words truly describe what I'm feeling!
Maybe someone out there can come up with a word for everything I have going on inside... maybe no one can.
If you can or can't, it doesn't matter... will you at least sit and weep with me? I just need to feel someone close to me right now.